


My Tears are Becoming a Sea

by BleedingVengnce



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies)
Genre: Canon Universe, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Jealousy, Love/Hate, Mental Health Issues, Mind Games, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rough Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:00:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25834657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BleedingVengnce/pseuds/BleedingVengnce
Summary: He hates her. Hates everything about her. How messy she is, how loud she is, how powerful she is, how she always beats him in hand-to-hand combat, how she grew up. He especially hates the fluttering feelings within his stomach at the glances she spares him and the feathered touches during training. He loathes her so much.She wants to hate him. Tries to hate everything about him, his cleanliness, his poisonous comments he spits her way, the way he sabotages her at every waking moment, the mind games he plays with her, but she just can't. She can't help but strive to prove to him she is worth his respect as his equal. She wants every fiber of her being to hate him. But she doesn't.What happens when the two people that hate each other the most, end up being the only ones they can find peace in?
Relationships: Levi & Original Female Character(s), Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Female Character(s), Levi/Original Female Character, Levi/Petra Ral
Kudos: 9





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> As such, a prologue is a short introduction to the work. I am very excited about the potential this story has. It is set during Levi's time in the Cadet Corps, training to enter into the Survey Corps, along with some time skips. I hope you all enjoy!

Death is a fickle thing, she determined. Eyes stared blankly up into hers. Eyes that used to have life running amuck in the striking emerald had slowly dissipated, leaving a hollow emptiness in its’ wake. She couldn’t tear her gaze from the eerie bareness of them, trembling as she desperately clutched onto the limp body, as though it was her sole lifeline. She searched her best friends’ face for anything, unbelieving that death had finally caught up to her. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be.

The slack body was growing sickly pale, not a single flush of flesh revealing itself, just another clue to her lifelessness. The girl still was unable to process what had just occurred. It wasn’t real. She hadn’t dared let her gaze stray any farther from her best friend’s round face, the fact of half of her body was completely severed nagging at her mind. She knew the other half was languidly being savored by a monstrosity lingering a few meters away.

The girl ran tentative fingers across the icy tissue of her cheek, entranced by the unmoving of the dead body laying lax across her lap. There was no way this was real, right? This all had to be some horrid dream her mind had cultivated just to toy with her. It couldn’t be real. One of the people she cared about most, one of the most skilled and confident fighters she had ever encountered, couldn’t have let a silly, five-meter Titan be the one to brutally end are already pathetically short life. The girl just wouldn’t let it be real. But she couldn’t help that reality would soon catch up to her, other lumbering Titans leisurely beginning to detect her presence, becoming more than just curious as they searched for her. But if this wasn’t real, why would she have to move? She would have no reason to run from their gaping mouths because this was all some vile dream. It wasn’t real.

“Captain Harlock! We need to move, now!” A deep voice reverberated through the thick forest. Though her ears didn’t register the words being directed her way, still entranced by the face of her best friend, the way the limp body still had her mouth agape in a silent scream, plush lips parted when she was torn apart.

“Vivian!” Her eyes, for the first time in what had felt like an eternity, flickered to the figure who was emitting the sound. It shook her to her core, hearing the desperation laced within his tone, legs pushing him fast and hard to where she was perched. He was pleading with her to move, to get up and run with him, but she was frozen to the spot, her mind murky and unable to process the events occurring around her. Her refined instincts couldn’t even pick up on another five-meter Titan lurching her way, lips pulled back into an eerie smile as he rushed towards her position. 

“You idiot, you need to get up! We need to get on the horses and go. You need to leave her.” Levi was screaming by this point, pleading with her blankly mind as she cocked her head at him, befuddled as to why he of all people would show up in her hellish dream. Her eyebrows were furrowed as she stared at his sprinting body. What was he saying? She couldn’t seem to pull her mind out of the muddled water that she felt like was swimming in.

“Vivian please, you need to leave her, it’s coming!” His finger directed itself at the Titan that would soon grasp onto her. Vivian finally snapped out of her reverie she seemed to be trapped in. This wasn’t a dream. This was real, this was happening, and if she didn’t get up in the next millisecond, she would become Titan fodder, just like her fallen best friend. 

So, Vivian left the body of her best friend behind, never able to look into those life-filled eyes ever again.

—

“Well don’t you look like a prissy little princess. What’s a little girl like you doing here, huh? Shouldn’t you be popping out babies right now?” The words were harsh, whipping at the girl who stood at attention for the Lance Corporal. Her stance was as tall as she could make it, attempting to come across as confident and powerful. Though, the words almost caused her to wince.

“No, sir. I thought I would be better suited here!” She responded, voice unwavering as her gaze impressively held his poisonous glower. He towered over her, trying to intimidate her, but she would not be so easily swayed by whatever he would have to say.

The man scoffed, rolling his eyes in irritation at her measly response. “Better suited here? What makes you think that. You have breasts and hips that are better suited for baring children rather than for fighting for humanity. Don’t you think princess?” His stare trailed up and down her figure, taking his sweet time drinking in the sight of her feminine features she so desperately loathed, wishing in this very moment that the higher power would’ve graced her with the male anatomy than the body she currently occupied. 

“I actually am infertile, sir. I cannot have kids, so I thought that the Cadet Corps. would at least find some use for me, sir!” Her voice was loud, strong, the words leaving without a single hitch as she announced her most coveted secret in front of the hundreds of other cadets. Vivian noted the way the Lance Corporal’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second before his resolve settled over his features once more. “Very well, let’s hope you’re at least good for something then, huh? What’s your name, princess?” 

“Vivian, Vivian Harlock, from Mitras, sir!” She announced, bringing her fist to her chest, settling it over her pounding heart in salute to her superior, hearing gasps escaping those around her. “Well shit, you really are a princess, huh? Now why in the fuck would a privileged girl join the Cadet Corps? Seems a little suspicious to me.” He sneered, leaning over her now, his glare hardening at the mention of her birthplace.

“As I said before, I feel as though I could be useful here. I want to help humanity, I want to do something more than twiddle my thumbs and just wait for the walls to breached and humanity to be killed, sir!” Vivian couldn’t help but seethe at the thought of the vile creatures that plagued the earth she so desperately wishes she could traverse of her own free will.

“From the looks of it, you may only be helpful to humanity by being Titan fodder!” He hollers in her face, spit flying about as he straightened up from his towering stance. “Row two, about-face, princess!” His lungs must have been burning by the end of it, but Vivian craved the adrenaline pulsing through her veins as he stepped away from her and onto his next victim. 

She knew, after that short interaction with the Lance Corporal, that this was exactly where she was meant to be. To finally take her life ahold by the reigns and steer into her own direction. She knew this was the place to be to become a savior of humanity. No Titan or the fear of death could stop her. But, she didn’t know how fickle death could be.


	2. Privileged

Hushed whispers spindled their way through the Mess Hall, lingering gazes left flitting over her figure perched alone at a table. Vivian couldn’t help but notice the eyes cast down upon her, as though she was some unknown creature lurking in their presence. She plucked specific words from the stifled conversations fluttering around her. Vivian, Mitras, entitled, prissy, privileged. It left a bitter taste lingering in her mouth as she silently munched on the overly stale bread clutched in her fingertips. 

Her stare seemed to be enraptured by the bowl of lukewarm mashed potatoes sat in front of her. She didn’t dare meet any of their eyes. She was an unfamiliar trespasser in their territory, and she definitely wasn’t welcome. She knew there would be some semblance of hostility towards her due to where she grew up, three steaming hot meals a day filling her stomach, hot water available at the tips of her fingers for bathing, and no constant fear of Titans poking at her thoughts every second of every day. She had to give them credit, privilege is the exact word she would use to describe her previous lifestyle. They had to hold skepticism towards her intentions joining the Cadet Corps, wondering if she was just here for a joy ride before nestling back into the interior walls, or if she was just a suicidal maniac with a death wish. They couldn’t tell.

Vivian ripped another chunk of the bland bread off, when all of the sudden the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end, a chill dancing along the length of her spine. Another set of eyes had been placed upon her, but they were unlike the rest. This stare caused her to freeze, terror locking up her bones. Her eyes desperately searched the room for the culprit, falling upon a man seated a couple of tables away. His piercing grey eyes had maliciousness fluttering within them, his stare locked onto her, and her alone. Unlike the others who would cast their gaze away whenever she brazenly met them, he didn’t falter. His face was curtained by tendrils of inky black hair, only the view of his clenched jaw and unwavering gaze was visible. He was surrounded by two others, the other two allowing themselves to peer over at you as well, their eyes narrowed with ill-intent. 

“Draw a picture, it’ll last longer.” Vivian hollered across the mess hall to where he was settled, the volume of her voice dimming the surrounding conversations. She could see the other two’s eyes widen a fraction at the blatant disrespect she tossed towards the man with the icy stare that was prickling her skin with distaste. She would hope that the unabashed comment would cause his stare to falter and turn back to his own meal. 

She was completely wrong.

The man’s eyes narrowed on his target, pushing himself out of his seat before striding towards her. Vivian felt her breath hitch in her throat at the sight of him marching closer, fear plucking at her mind. She felt her fight or flight urge set in, her nature desperate for her mind to make a decision at this moment, and it preferred the flight option. Though her stubborn resolve was unrelenting, keeping her sat in place, resuming chewing on her bread as he came to stand in front of her.

“What the fuck did you just say to me?” He hissed, glowering at her with malice that caused her insides to twist. She forced her throat to swallow down the bread before her steadfast confidence responded. “I said, draw a picture, it will last longer.” Vivian deadpanned, trying to hold her features in an uninterested look up at him. A crowd was starting to gather around them, the stares of people now solely lingering on her and the man fuming in front of her.

“You fucking prudish brat.” He spat out with a venom that almost left her reeling, but she held strong to her composure. “Do you need something?” She questioned his unmoving figure, hoping that was all he had to say, not wanting to interact with him anymore. “What I need is for you to pack up your fucking things and leave.” He jeered, arms crossed over his chest. Though he had a shorter stature, he still towered over her sitting figure.

“And why would I listen to you, huh? You’re not my superior.” Vivian felt herself scoff at the ridiculous orders this cadet was trying to place onto her. “Because, if you don’t leave, princess, bad things are going to happen to you.” This wasn’t an empty threat he just tossed her way. The way his jaw was set and his eyes were burning with hatred, she knew he would follow through with whatever evil plan he had brewed up within his mind.

“Well I’m not leaving, so bad things are just going to have to happen, I guess.” Her shoulders lifted in an uncaring shrug, turning her body away from him to dig into her mashed potatoes. That’s when her gut buckled, hearing a whoosh coming from her right where he was looming. It happened in a split second, anyone blinking would have missed it. Her hand darted out, fingers clasping around a wrist, halting the hand that was hurtling towards her. Her slender fingers held the assaulter captive, pressing her thumb into his wrist. She heard a pained gasp tumble from his wrist as she clamped down onto him, hearing the bones shudder beneath his skin. Her eyes flickered to his face once more, her lips now set into an unimpressed frown eat his attempt to slap her.

“Tch.” He scorned, wrenching his hand from her agonizing grasp, not letting the pain of the interaction waver his glare. “You disgust me.” He took out a white handkerchief, rubbing it over the inflamed spot where her hand once was, trying to rid himself of the invisible germs lingering there. “And everyone else here is disgusted by you as well. No one wants you here, fucking stuffy bitch. Go back where you came from. That’s my last time telling you that.” 

The vile man turned on his heel before stepping back towards his table, leaving her all alone as every other cadet within the mess hall glared at her with the same abhorrence set on their features as him. He had just ignited a fire within the Cadet Corps, showing Vivian that she was more unwelcome than ever. The girl grabbed at her dished, trudging through the hordes of distasteful stares, dumping them in a bin, before exiting the mess hall. 

When the darkness of the night enveloped her into its chilled grasp, did her resolve finally crack. A single tear escaped the prison that is her lids. The salty liquid trailing down her cheek before it pitifully tumbled towards the ground. Vivian tilted her head towards the pale moon that hung so sickly above her, dowsing her in its feeble light. She would not let them get to her. She came here to defend them, not to fight them. Why couldn’t they see that? Why couldn’t he see that? Why did he seem so full of hatred at her presence when she didn’t even know his name? She shook herself of her prodding thoughts that submerged her mind in a fog, continuing to the barracks for the night. She would prove to them that she didn’t deserve to be scorned, that she deserved respect.

\--

“Up and at ‘em cadets!” A booming voice violently ripped Vivian out of her coveted sleep, the first rays of sun trickling through the windows of the barracks. “The day won’t wait for you to wake. Get ready and meet at the training field for your first lessons!” Irritated grumbles were being emitted all around her as exhausted cadets rose from their cots. Vivian was placed in the same boat, feeling bags weigh heavily underneath her eyes at the lack of sleep due to the flimsy mattress she laid on. Though, a thrill of anticipation rushed throughout her limbs, buzzing with excitement at the prospect of finally starting training. 

She swung her legs over the side of her bed, stretching her aching limbs, hearing a couple of pops and cracks as she maneuvered to the chest perched at the end of her bed. She gathered her clothes, swiftly changing from her nightmare to the beige uniforms they were all issued when entering into the Cadet Corps. Vivian, unfortunately, didn’t have the luxury of privacy anymore, men and women alike bunking with her, all milling about the room as she changed. She didn’t want lingering eyes on her, but a familiar, gut-wrenching stare never left her as she was left slightly bare in her undergarments. 

She jerked her head towards him, eyes catching his once again. He was folding up his nightshirt, his lean muscles on display for all to see as he scowled at her for the umpteenth time. Her gaze unwillingly flitted towards his torso, causing a rosy pink to dust her cheeks. She bashfully turned on her heel, done with snapping her harness in place before making her way towards the bathroom to splash some cold water over her features to snap herself back into reality. The icy cold stare never left her until she disappeared around the corner. 

“Alright cadets. We always begin the training with the ODM gear. It is essential that you are able to master balancing with the gear, or else you will fail miserably. All of the other training will be for nothing. This is to weed out you weaklings who are meant for the fields or shop work. Last names A through K will be working with Corporal Anthony, L through R will be working with me, while S through Z will be working with Corporal Daniels. Now line up!” The Lance Corporal ordered with his bellowing voice echoing throughout the training field.

“Yes, sir!” The cadets saluted him before rushing off to line up in front of the many contraptions that would test their balance with the ODM gear. Vivian couldn’t help the grin that spread across her lips, being the fourth one in line as a cadet was strapped into the ODM gear in front of her. She doubted this would be a challenge whatsoever, years of horseback riding developing her balance impeccably. 

“I thought I told you to leave, brat.” The words were entangled with the familiar poison she heard last night, the deep tenor of it reverberating through her bones. Vivian instantly went still at the warm breath skittering across the back of her neck, causing goosebumps to raise at the assault. He was directly behind her, even his short height still impend over her. 

“And I thought I told you that wasn’t happening.” She retorted, throwing an annoyed look over her shoulder at the man behind her. He was so close, close enough to briefly study his hard jaw, the way his eyebrows pinched together and his lips turned down into a frown. She noted the deep purple bags lining underneath his eyes at the lack of sleep, and the striking grey of his irises with that familiar hate fire dancing within them. He was terrifying.

“Tch, too bad. I can’t wait to watch you embarrass yourself in front of everyone and prove you’re completely worthless.” His words echoed throughout her brain. That wasn’t going to happen.

“Cadet, you’re up!” Corporal Anthony broke her out from the spell the man seemed to be placing her under with his damaging words and wicked looks. “Yes, sir!” Vivian saluted him, pacing up to the contraption. The Corporal strapped her in, connecting to wires to her harness. He tugged on them briefly, making sure they were secure before stepping back. 

“Alright cadet. Make sure you are focusing on your balance. Try to evenly distribute your weight between the belts on your legs as well as your waist. Keep your stance loose, and you should be good. Are you ready?” The blonde-haired man offered a little advice to her as he made his way to a lever. “I am ready, sir.” She tilted her head down in a nod, gently bracing herself as he began cranking a lever to lift her into the air, the wires holding her hostage. She felt her feet lose the sturdy ground below, all eyes of the cadets locked onto her. The only ones she really found disturbing were the silvered ones eyeing her with distaste. 

For the briefest of moments, there she was, upright and unwavering. She felt a sense of fulfillment beginning to wash through her as a prideful smirk twisted at her lips as she kept her gaze onto him. ‘See, I’m not as worthless as you th-‘ she couldn’t even finish her thought before the next second, she was hanging upside down. Her honey blonde locks dusted the ground as she swung to and fro, the realization of failure causing a chocked out breath bubble from her lips. She heard a sharp laugh echo through her ears, belonging to one man, and one man only. A couple more giggles filtered through the onlookers. A flaming flush crawled up her neck and chest.

“No!” She cried out, the Corporal gently lowering her to ground, the dirt was digging into her back. “Tough luck, cadet.” He tsked, shaking his head in disappointment, making a move towards her. She jumped up before he could reach her, her eyebrows furrowed with determination, not letting him see her fail so miserably. “Please, let me try again.” She was desperate to prove herself, and so, there she was trying again, everyone watching now, even the Lance Corporal. The second her toes lost their footing on the ground, she was back, hanging upside down like a bug caught in a spiders trap, unable to move away from their judgmental stares and tittering at her expense.

The Corporal unhooked her, dismissing her back into the sea of the crowd, before beckoning for the man, “Cadet Levi Ackerman, you’re up.” Vivian had her head hung low as she brushed by him. “Worthless fucking brat.” He muttered under his breath as she passed. She felt her lungs constrict, as though he just knocked the wind out of her.

Another piece of her resolve chipped away as disappointment at her own abilities flowed through her. The burning failure painted across her pained face, as she watched as the man, Levi, flawlessly sat in the harness, unmoving, not faltering for a single moment. His stare enraptured hers once more, the quirk of his a blatant show of his victory over her. She felt rage bubble up inside of her, gritting her teeth at the irritating Levi. She made this decision in this moment, he wouldn’t win. He wouldn’t break her resolve. Fuck him.


End file.
